So I just need to get some of my feelings out. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with some things that are going on in my life and I just need to be able to write them out.
This past January I lost my Grandma Pearson. I've written a few post about her but not enough to do it justice. I love my Grandma so much and I truly miss her. Anytime I see bright colors, or anything with a picture of a cat I think of her. She had diabetes for a big part of her life and was on dialysis for awhile. When it stopped being affective they decided to stop the treatments. That was the Monday before Christmas, and she dropped pretty fast. I remember singing You Are My Sunshine with her, while holding her hand. For the first time in a few days she perked up and sang with me. She sang harmony as she always did, that's one of my favorite memories. I would sit next to grandma during church and she always sang Alto and I thought it was so amazing she could do that. Singing harmonies wasn't my thing until I was a teenager and even then I struggled, but once I was singing second alto in one choir and second soprano in another at BYU-Idaho I learned quickly and I always thought of her. I cried through the song, we ended up singing it at her graveside because it was such a special moment for those of us that were there when she 'woke up' for those few short moments. Somehow I never got a picture with her just before she passed and I'll always regret that a little but I'm also glad my pictures with her aren't of her when she didn't look like herself. After she died I was able to sit by her for awhile. I remember such a sweet happy spirit in the room. When the funeral home finally took her out, there was a distinct change in the room. Her spirit was gone. and I knew that it was my Grandma letting us know that she is happy and okay. She was finally able to be herself because she didn't have the limitations of this life. It meant the world to me and I'll never forget that spirit.
Well as the Title says, this post isn't over. My Grandma Mortimer is about to pass away. She is an amazing woman also and I love her very much. She is also in renal failure. It's just a little too similar. We just had our family reunion which was so much fun but when they brought Grandma she was in a wheelchair couldn't move much and was asleep most of the time. It brought back too many memories and I couldn't be by her for awhile because I didn't want her to see me cry that hard. I held her hand leaned down and told her I loved her. She looked into my eyes and said she loved me too. I could tell she did and that she knew it but she doesn't remember who I am. She doesn't even remember her children which is hard. So I would remind her. I would tell her I'm her son Doyle's Daughter, Carrie, and that I'm having a baby soon which will be somewhere around 169 great grandchildren for her. she always liked the fact that she had a huge family and her kids and grandkids have not disappointed her. :) she would hold my hand and not let go. In fact she would kiss my hand, and sometimes rub her eyes, and I would ask her if she needed me to let go and she said, no. We then gathered around her and all started singing primary songs. Can I just say that music is a miraculous thing. Grandma couldn't remember her children's names but she could sing every Primary song we threw at her. Then my mom suggested singing You Are My Sunshine. I was reluctant because of the memories, but we did and she sang louder than before and loved it. and on top of that about fifteen minutes later I asked her if she would want to sing it again. Normally she would have already forgotten what we had talked about or done or who I was, but she looked at me and smile and said, 'Well I guess we could, it was fun last time.' I got that glimmer of my Grandma again. I think that that song will forever be my Grandma's (both of them) song.
One side note that I have loved for a long time. When I turned eight I was baptized a week later on the 21st, it was a weird day and I was the only one baptized. Both my Grandma Pearson and Mortimer gave me earrings and I was so excited. When I opened them I thought it was so funny because they both had bought me heart shaped earrings. they were the exact same earrings only Grandma Mortimer gave me pink ones and Grandma Pearson gave me green ones. I remember exactly what the earrings looked like and if I can ever find something similar I'll buy them just to have my Grandma's earrings back.
Sorry for this long sappy trip down memory lane. I just needed to get my feelings out and I feel so much better now.