Milestones to Note From 2011

So I'm lame and haven't posted on my blog in over a year.... So here is a catch up post of things I want to remember. I really want to post more especially since there are so many funny stories coming I just know it. Ele is at such a fun age.

June 20, 2011 - Elenor took off her own diaper during nap time... This first time there wasn't much but the next few times there was definitely poop involved. The first time I laughed woke Nate up because I thought it was so funny that it was happening to us. (I had been praying she wouldn't figure it out that soon) But alas our little 7.5 month old figured it out.

July 2011 - This month Ele would start laughing when others would laugh. She loves hanging with her Daddy and it was darling watching her get excited every time he came in the room. She is going to be a Daddy's girl for sure.

July 28, 2011 - Ele stood up all by herself for the first time.

August 4, 2011 - Nate was doing baby acrobatics with Ele, when he stopped she started crying. So he picked her up and started again, she started laughing immediately. This kid LOVES acrobatics and her dad is pretty good at acrobatics.

August 11, 2011 - Some kids crawl because they want their Mom, some crawl because they want a toy, Ele crawls because she wants the laptop keyboard. She loves keyboards. We have a video of her army crawling. Some of the first real progress she has made in the crawling area.

August 16, 2011 - 9 month stats: Height 25.5 inches (5th %) Weight 14 lbs 15 oz (10th %) She's hitting EVERY milestone. Our pediatrician is very impressed.

August 21, 2011 - Ele likes asparagus (note she no longer likes it)

August 2011 - By the end of ths month Ele was putting herself to sleep at night. I'll start earlier with my next child but still so proud of Elenor. She is such a cute girl and an amazing baby. She hardly ever cries and just knows how to make me love her even more.

September 3, 2011 - Roday our stake put on a huge neighborhood party, bounce houses, face painting and a petting zoo just to name a few. Elenor fell in love with this little kitten that they were giving away. I truly almost claimed it. Who knew a ten month old could be so gentle? And the kitten would wriggle out of other kids hands and come back over to Elenor. She would just snuggle up in her lap and Elenor would just pet the kitten. It was ADORABLE!

End of September 2011 - We went on a trip to Boston and Maine. It was amazing. I will do a separate post with pictures for this one because it just needs it's own. But for Elenor's memories: She was a GREAT traveler. All of the passengers were telling us how great she did and how grateful they were to be on a flight with such an awesome baby. She loved playing in the hotel rooms and she made everyone love her. Seriously we had people literally chase us down to tell us how cute she is. Babies are definitely novelties outside of Utah. But it was amazing to see how much everyone loved our little girl. We also went out to dinner with my good friend Jaremy
Hill (he's in Maine for medical school) And Elenor adored him. She went and sat on his lap and didn't want to get off until the food came.

October 11, 2011 - Heard a rustling from the kitchen and realized Ele was no longer playing with her toys but was now in the pantry. Nate grabbed her and out of everything she could reach she went for her absolute favorite... Twizzlers. She held onto the package for dear life as Nate brought her back into the living room. Man she's cute, and fast! :)

November 1, 2011 - Elenor unrolls the toilet paper for the first time.

November 2011 - Elenor conducts music. She saw me doing it one Sunday and now she copies me and any time she hears music she will conduct. It's SO cute!

November 9, 2011 - Elenor is ONE! Where did the time go? She is so big now and is crazy fun. Her party was awesome we had so many friends and family come to share in this day with us. I made Elenor's cake it was a monkey since she is our little monkey. we had pizza she got books and toys from friends and a little outfit. She only went for her cake if I did it too so we stuck our faces in at the same time. Man I love this girl. I can't believe it's been a whole year. I mean seriously a year ago I was in the hospital looking at my two pound baby and now she is just so big. Oh and she started signing Please today, so darling.

November 12, 2011 - Elenor's first tooth broke through today.

December 2, 2011 - Ele just found a ruler and thought it was SO funny. She just giggled and giggled at it. I love my little one. Especially when she can be so happy with such a high fever.

December 11, 2011 - My baby took her first steps today. I was happy and sad and proud all at once. She is getting so big. (there is a video of this as well)

December 12, 2011 - After weeks of no interest Elenor has decided that our Christmas tree is fun and that she should touch it all the time.

December 25, 2011 - Oh Christmas was so fun. We have a video of Elenor getting her presents but my favorite part was when she decided she hadn't gotten enough candy and she systematically crawled over took a piece of mine and took it back to her pile until all of my candy was gone. She loves her present. We got her a music table and she just dances and dances. It's awesome.

Ele and Rice Cereal

For the past week we have ventured into feeding Ele solids. She has done amazingly well. She only pushes the food back out if the spoonful was too big and she loves eating from a spoon. Because she is premature she will naturally have a harder time processing solids and since normal babies get backed up as well, our pediatrician has had us mix either prunes or pears with her cereal to help her move it through. She has loved both though she didn't quite know what to think of the prunes the first time. Anyway she kept getting her hands in the way after the first two spoonfuls and after realizing that is was because she wanted more control I gave her that control. Here is a video of Ele feeding herself. I'm only lightly holding on to the spoon to avoid her dropping it in her lap and to get more cereal on it when necessary, but she is bringing it to her mouth all by herself. What a talented girl we have.

Looking Back at the NICU

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my experience in the NICU. Maybe it's because so many of my friends are having babies, some of which are making it to their due dates and others are being born early. Or maybe it's just looking at Ele and feeling so grateful that she is mine. Either way I have a few moments that I want to make sure I don't forget. Fair warning these are personal so it may get a little sappy. :)

I remember the first time I got to see her. I was so sick and just wanted to see my baby. I was so sad I didn't get to really even see more than her little feet because I was on such high meds I couldn't stand up to see her. I was so discouraged because I just wanted to be by her. I did get to go up later and I was with my Mom and sister Anna and I could tell Ele was upset. This was I believe when she was two days old. I started crying and backing away because I could tell she was over stimulated and the only thing I could do was remove myself so she would be okay. I wasn't in the right frame of mind to have others pull back. The nurse could tell and mentioned that she was getting overstimulated. So everyone backed away. It was so difficult for me because all I wanted more than anything was to have my little baby in my arms. Anna and my Mom were so understanding and helpful but I felt like I couldn't help Ele and I had the strongest urge to do something. Then the nurse told me I could hold her that night at her 7PM feeding and I was so excited. I have never wanted anything more than that. As I came upstairs to hold my little girl with Nate in tow, I was tired and so emotionally drained from everything I couldn't contain my emotions. Ele had started crying just before I walked in the door, the nurses said that a baby can smell their mom from 50 feet away and they know when a Mom is on the floor because the baby starts to get upset wanting their Mom. As she handed my little baby to me the monitors attached to her weighed more than she did. She stopped crying and then she started searching, she wanted to eat. :) This little girl was the most precious thing I had ever seen. She snuggled up to me and they fed her I believe 5mL of milk through her tube and she went right to sleep. For the first time since having her I felt a peace like I had never felt. I relaxed and I was so happy. It was the most amazing moment I could have asked for. I just sat there crying because I was so overcome with emotion. I started to sing to her and of course it was the primary songs that she loves. She was so sweet, it was the most amazing 15 minutes of my life. I had waited two full days for those fifteen minutes and they were totally worth it. Nate got to hold her the next day and then finally we got to start holding her twice a day so in the morning I got her for 15 min, and then in the evenings Nate got her for 15 min. We only got to hold her twice a day until the week before she came home. Though the times got longer and because I started feeding her I got to hold her twice and then after feeding her each night Nate would get his turn.

There was one distinct time when we decided we needed a real date night and that we had to pull ourselves away from the hospital. We went to see the lights at Temple Square. I felt so guilty for leaving her. We went to an earlier feeding and then went on our date. We stopped for pie on our way home and I called to check on her because I missed her so much. The next day we went in for her 7PM feeding like normal and a nurse came over to us and said, 'is this the time you usually come at?' I said, 'yes.' She said, 'I can tell, she missed you last night, she's usually the easiest and happiest baby that we have but we had to hold her to calm her down last night because she missed you guys.' Now some may think that my guilt would have intensified but since my big worry was not connecting with my baby this was the best news ever! My baby not only knew me but missed me. I just cried and held her and sang to her like I did every time I saw her.

Now I want to write about one of the worst days I had while Ele was in the NICU. There were a few days in the beginning when I just longed to be able to hold her and take her home with me. But the worst day I had was Thanksgiving. I didn't think not having her for just a meal would be a big deal but it just seemed to be a horrible day. We had been trying to have Ele nurse, she was amazing at it but was still small. Our Occupational Therapist Annie, said she had never seen a baby so small and so far away from their due date do as well as Ele did. This was encouraging, little side note to lighten the mood, she also thought it was hilarious that my boob was four times bigger than Ele's entire head. Anyway we started test weights, basically we wanted to weigh Ele before feeding her and then after feeding her, how ever many grams she gained was the same amount of mL she had drank. She would have a good day and then she would only get a few mL. It was frustrating and hard to deal with I felt it was my fault that I just couldn't give her what she needed. The nurses didn't make it any better when they kept saying she's little we don't expect much from her at all. She's too little to nurse. I was so hurt because I knew Ele could do it and why would they discount her just because she was small. She was capable and showing all the right signs. I just felt like everything was against us. She was doing so well yet all the nurses kept saying for how little she is I would plan on taking her home after her due date. Why would you say that to a woman who has been in the NICU for almost an entire month. I felt every hope I had was being dashed away and I was never going to get to bring my baby home. I felt because I only got to hold her twice a day that my baby wouldn't connect with me or I wouldn't connect with her and we wouldn't have as strong of a bond. I was terrified she would know her nurses better than me and she wouldn't like being home. But I was determined to prove them wrong I wanted to keep doing the test weights. Anyway Thanksgiving morning my Pediatrician called me. He had taken over Ele's care at the hospital so he called me daily to tell me how she was doing. He told me he wanted me to stop test weights for awhile. I was devastated. I just kept saying okay while tears streamed down my face. I don't think he was ready for the answer to his next question. He said, 'I feel like you are saying yes hesitantly, are you sure you're okay with this?' I just broke down. I was sobbing on the phone and told him, 'It's just so hard. I feel like there is no end in site. I feel like everyone is discounting her because she is little and I know she is strong. I feel like I'm not able to bond with my baby and that the nurses will only let me do so much. I'm just exhausted and no one will even give me an estimate as to when she's going to get home. They keep saying they don't expect much of her and that I should be hoping for sometime after her due date. In fact one lady asked me if I was shooting for Christmas and when I said yes she said well I wouldn't because it is definitely going to be after New Years. I just feel like I can't do anything for my baby and I just want to be there for her.' There was a long pause and then he tried to make me feel better but since he kept mentioning how if she had been born even 20 years ago I would have held her for two days and then I would be burying her. Is not really what a mom wants to hear for comfort. He told me that he thought that it was too early to give a timeline a few weeks later he said that he felt Christmas was very doable. But he said we could give Ele her baths. This was exciting but that night was her not bath night. They do an every other night thing. So we had to wait. Anyway we went in to see Ele and I was just a mess I couldn't stop crying it felt like all of my fears and emotions from the whole ordeal were deciding to let themselves out that day. We left after a few hours and went to my brother's house for Thanksgiving Dinner. It was so hard to see everyone there with their families and know that mine wasn't with me. I wanted to be with her and be holding her. Everyone wanted to ask questions about her but I didn't want to share my fears and my shortcomings with them, so I just tried to give them answers that wouldn't make me burst into tears. I think a few people noticed but I just wasn't prepared for it to all be public. My sister Suzy tried to cheer me up by encouraging me that she would get home soon and how her son Max had gone home at 2 weeks and 2 days. (PS I am not upset with Suzy by any means, she was a rock for me during all  of this) And all I wanted to do was scream, I wanted to scream out this is her 2 week and 2 day mark and she's not coming home. She's not even close! I wanted to just cry right then and there because I wasn't so lucky, in fact it ended up being five more weeks. I knew Ele wouldn't come home as fast as Max but I thought that we would at least have an estimate as to when she would come home. I started to pull away and not stand so close to the family because I didn't want to talk about it anymore. Everyone was talking about how cute all the kids were and look at how many grandkids we have now. While I know that no one was trying to hurt my feelings or try and make me feel bad, that day was horrible. It was just everything being said while I was already having such a hard day. I felt alone. I felt like I was in a spinning hole that I would never get out of. I felt I was doomed to be at the hospital four hours a day for the rest of my life and that I would never get anything more with my baby. I wanted desperately to be one of those moms that complains about being up all night. I wanted that experience not this one. I wanted the experience of looking down at my baby during a night time feeding and being able to have that bonding moment. I wanted it all and I felt like I was missing out on everything. I was so discouraged and then I felt bad because I knew other mom's had it way worse than I did and why should I complain. It was a pity party mixed with severe guilt and a longing for my child. As the days went on it did start to ease and I was able to handle life.

I was scared for her one month birthday because I thought it would be really hard on me but it ended up being a very sweet celebration. I was starting to truly feel the comfort I needed and I was realizing everything that was happening was strengthening me. It was a miracle for me to have my baby in the NICU. It was what I needed. Looking back even though it was the hardest thing I have ever been through I would do it again. In fact Nate and I have discussed this at length because we know there is a real possibility of this happening with our second child. and we realize now that we are stronger than we ever thought and that we could handle doing it all again. It's strange to me that I now feel this way but I guess that is the wonder of Heavenly Father.

Ele's Blessing Pics

Elenor was blessed on April 10th, 2011. It was such a wonderful day and I talked about in my previous post. I have uploaded a few pictures so you can see her super cute dress. Also the blanket she is on was cross-stitched by my mom Kitty Mortimer. I think she did a great job. If you can't see what it says it has Ele's birth stats listed. 2 lbs 2 oz 15.5 in Also the super cute crocheted shoes were made by my friend Mary Freckleton, she also made Ele a purple pair they are so darling and fit her perfectly. Enjoy the pics.

Elenor's Blessing

This Sunday April 10th 2011, was wonderful. We were able to finally bless Elenor. We waited so we would be able to have Elenor be stronger and so we could bless her during sacrament meeting rather than at home. We thought of blessing her at home but I have always wanted to experience the blessing and getting to see my baby held up for the congregation. Anyway Nate let me have a wonderful day on Saturday, I got to pamper myself. I bought a new dress, got a pedicure and had a very relaxing day.

On Sunday we got up and got ready, had a great morning, and headed off to the church. After being in quarantine for so long it was really nice to see everyone from the ward. Everyone has been so loving and supportive and to get to see them and be so warmly welcomed was a wonderful experience. We had family there and Nathan gave a wonderful blessing. Elenor was just a little angel. She didn't cry and actually slept through most of sacrament meeting. We then had a lunch and spent a great afternoon together as our little family. Ele's dress was so cute, and she was so happy.

I'm so grateful for everyone that has supported us through everything. And I can't wait until this quarantine is over so we can take Elenor out anytime. We're planning on having a few parties so we can introduce Elenor to all of you in installments. We don't want to overwhelm her so we'll keep everyone posted.

I'm so grateful for the wonderful gospel and how much we have been blessed through this whole thing. I know Heavenly Father is here with our family. I have felt his support through others as well as through the spirit everyday. I have felt him hold me up on the days I felt nothing was right. I have had friends call me literally the moment I was breaking down and just needed someone to listen to me and let me cry. I have felt the wonderful support of my husband and have become ever closer to him. My family immediate and extended has been there for me every step of the way. I know I have been carried through this experience and I love knowing that. I know this experience isn't over and there will still be many hardships to come, not just in life but with Elenor and her growth. But I know I will be carried through, it will still be difficult but I know Heavenly Father will be there for my family and I through everything. Thank you again to all of you that have been the answers to our prayers. We love all of you.

Robert's giveaway

Roberts is having a wonderful givaway, to check it out and get some awesome ideas here.

Elenor 4 Month Pictures

Elenor is 9 lbs 8 oz, 21 in. She's growing fast!

Some Pictures... Finally!

When I told Nate I was pregnant I gave him a little stuffed monkey. When we finally had Elenor we just out of curiosity measured the monkey to see how it compared to Elenor and it ended up being the same length as her if you include the tail. So we took it to the hospital to get pictures with her next to it. We have taken pictures with her and the monkey periodically since then, so here is the Monkey Series:

Elenor at 5 days old.

Elenor at 11 days old.

Elenor at 18 days old.

Elenor at 2 months old.

Elenor at 4 months old.

4 Months!

Well Elenor is four months old tomorrow. I sure do love my little girl. I promise pictures are coming, we've just been a tad busy. Well more than a tad. :)

Nate is in school 3/4 time, and working full time. He has now switched to working graves. It was slightly unexpected. We knew we needed him to switch for next semester because he has taken all of the classes they offer for his major at night, so days are the only options to get him through his degree. So he mentioned to his supervisor he would be interested in switching to graves and two days later they informed him his schedule was changed. Luckily we have been able to make it work. And he is actually really liking it. He's doing well in school and will get to start some of his major classes next semester. I'm so proud of him and how hard he is working.

I have finished up school and I'm now taking a break. I have decided to change my major to nursing. After everything that happened with Elenor I realize how nice it is to have a wonderful nurse there who cares. I want to be that for other families. My ultimate goal will be to work in the NICU. So now that school is over I have enjoyed spending my time with Elenor. Work is going well and I'm finally feeling like I am doing well with my new schedule. It was so overwhelming at first. I am also enjoying organizing our house. I have a very wonderful book called Unclutter Your Life in One Week. It is a great book and I would recommend it to anyone. I have truly enjoyed it. The main thing they have you do is take everything out of the room. Literally everything. Then write down the purposes for the room. Then you sort everything according to its purpose, if it's purpose isn't on your list it can't go back into the room. Our house is looking nice! I also am exercising and trying to keep everything in check after the pregnancy. I have a weight loss blog (PS only uplifting comments are welcome) if you want to follow me through my journey I've been working on it for awhile now and have been working up the courage to make it public. Check it out here.

Elenor, like I mentioned is now 4 months old. I don't have her exact weight, her appointment is on Thursday, But is around 8 pounds. She is still wearing Newborn clothes, the 0-3 months are still just too big.  She is so darling, she smiles like crazy and wants my attention. She will 'cry' until I look at her and then I get the biggest smiles ever. She loves her daddy very much. She likes it when he holds her with one hand and lets her fly superman style in the air. She has rolled over once for sure and a second time that I'm not sure if I can count it because it happened just seconds after I set her down. She giggles in her sleep all the time, it's so cute. And her new favorite game is when we tap her binky at the corners of her mouth and make funny noises. She also likes when I rub her gums with the binky. She is really doing well. Her adjusted age is 2 months and she is beyond the milestones for that so that's wonderful. They like them to be caught up by the time they are 2 years, but Ele should be caught up earlier than that.

I can't wait for this cold and flu season to be over. I am so excited to be able to take her out and show her off. Oh and side note but Elenor does have a bump on her cheek that looks like a bruise a little as well. Our pediatrician thinks it may be a deep hemangioma, basically a ball of blood vessels that act up and cause a raised area. They are very normal and more prominent with premies. A lot of the time they aren't deep ones and they are just a raised red portion. They usually go away on their own within the first 5 years. But since it is on her cheek and since it is a deep one we will be getting an ultrasound on her cheek soon. There is a possibility she might need surgery but we are hoping that won't be the case. All in all I can't believe it's March. It's been over 2 months since we got to bring Ele home and it has been so incredibly wonderful. Oh and Ele occasionally sleep through the night now. Man I have the best baby ever! :)