Tender Mercies

Lately I've been having a hard time. There have just been little things all compiling at once and I've been struggling. I was feeling depressed and I was feeling overwhelmed with everything I felt I needed to be doing or wanted to do and then I realized something, I am trying to do too much! I know what an easy thing to realize right? Well it wasn't. I think too often there is a stigma within Utah Mormon Moms that we as mothers have to be PERFECT! Well if you think that, then you are INSANE! Yes I said it, those of you that think you have to be perfect (which included me) or those of you that think you are perfect are in fact insane.

Now this insanity can be remedied. All you need to do is realize that you do not need to be perfect, you are wonderful the way you are. This can be very difficult and it was very difficult for me. I sat there just crying over and over about anything and everything wishing I could be better and then getting overwhelmed at the idea of what I needed to do to get better and to reach this point of perfection that I felt was expected of me. And then Heavenly Father so lovingly started to guide me. He guided me through lessons, through friends, through distinct whispering of the spirit and I truly have felt his love for me in the past two weeks. It's been two weeks where at the end of it you know without a doubt that Heavenly Father knows you are there and he knows you individually and he is blessing you with exactly what you need.

I hope if there is anyone out there struggling that you will realize that he is mindful of you, he loves you, and he is there. In the midst of our struggles we don't always see it but pray to him rely on him and you will be blessed in the end. I hope that your moments of peace and love are coming and that you will know of his love for you.

Anyway that was a side tangent but it is also my testimony of this subject. But as I realized I can't be a perfect wife, mother, and woman, I was able to make some real progress and decisions in my life. First off I have decided that I want a stronger influence of the spirit in my home. I want to have the spirit be so strong that you can feel it as you enter. I feel that if I work on that and only that, all of the other things will fall into place. You may think this naive but I think it inspired. I'm not saying there won't be work involved to reach my other goals but I realize that if I really am striving to have the gospel be a constant member of our household the other stuff will be covered. Here are some of the things I am planning on doing:

1. I am going to have a beautiful picture of Jesus in our kitchen which is one of the most frequented rooms in our home.

2. I am going to have many pictures from our wedding in the temple in our Family Room, to remind us of the covenants we made there and the wonderful day that we became a forever family.

3. I deleted all of the quick buttons to the games on my phone. I replaced them all with 'church' apps. I found some really awesome apps and I can already see a difference. I discovered that I truly was ignoring what was important by playing games on my phone. I was doing this because I didn't want to face the things I felt i was failing at. Tender Mercy - I downloaded a scripture a day widget and the first scripture said seek to avoid idleness (deleted apps) and then another one said something along the lines that you will be blessed when striving to live the gospel!

4. I am going to try and have wonderful music in my home. I want to have music be the main source of noise rather than the TV.

5. I am going to start going to bed early and getting up early. I have already noticed a huge difference in my demeanor.

Alright those these are the first five things that I want to work on. I have noticed a difference already just in the few things that I have done. I truly feel that I will be able to accomplish all of the other things so much easier if I can have the spirit be a strong presence in my home. For example just by doing one of the five things listed above I have more energy. I have wanted to clean to invite the spirit even more. I have wanted to be slow to anger and enjoy every second I have with Elenor. I have things that I want to do, but I am realistic and try not to get overwhelmed. I am grateful for the fact that I can take this one day at a time and that I am learning. I am learning how to deal with my own insecurities and learning that where I am at is perfect because I'm trying and I am growing. I'm grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and for the fact he is mindful of me. I'll keep you posted on any other goals as well as how these are going.