Wednesday November 10th:
At sometime between 3:00 and 4:00 AM I woke myself up called the nurse and told her I needed to see my baby. I sat my bed up, I pulled myself over and with the will power of awesomeness I somehow managed to get myself turned around and into the wheelchair. I had my trusty bag with me in case I got sick, called to Nate to get his camera and come with me because I wanted to see my baby. I remember being incredibly shakey and feeling sick, but I wanted to see my baby more than anything. They wheeled me upstairs and into the NICU, Ele was in an open bed at this time and I couldn't really stand up very much, so I couldn't see her incredibly well. But I touched her little feet and was able to handle the heat from her warmer for maybe 5 minutes. Then I started to loose it (puked) and had to leave. I got back into bed and don't actually remember the act of getting back into bed. For most of the day I was incredibly out of it. I literally couldn't open my eyes. I remmber being nauseated still so they gave me some medicine. I wanted to see my baby and I kept asking Nate to turn on the TV or things like that to try and help me wake up but the Mag was so strong that I couldn't. With in seconds I would drift off again and couldn't wake mself up again. That evening some family stopped by. My sister Suzy and her family came right when they turned the Mag off and for the next 45 minutes I could literally feel it leaving my body. It was so nice to start to feel better. I was able to actually drink some water and keep my eyes open for longer than 5 minutes. Suzy said that the difference of when she first got there and her leaving was crazy. I finally was able to get up again and went to see my baby at about 10:00 PM. I was able to stand up for a little bit and touch my baby. It was so surreal, but she was just so darling. I absolutely loved getting to see her. I was still pretty sick and incredibly tired because of the Mag so I went back down to sleep.
Thursday November 11th:
Today I was finally awake and was able to walk a little. I took family members up to see the baby, and started to feel a little overwhelmed. I could tell Ele was getting a little overwhelmed and I felt like to protect my baby I couldn't touch her very much because I didn't want her to get overstimulated. So I started to get nervous and I started crying. Margaret our nurse that day told us Ele was getting a little overstimulated, so she suggested that we come back that night at 7:30 and try skin to skin, and then we would put her in an enclosed isolette, to help keep out some of the noise and things like that. I was so excited at the prospect of holding my baby. I was counting down the time until we could go back up. I started to get nervous but was still oh so excited. We headed up stairs and they took my precious little girl out and handed her to me. I got to hold her next to me and for the first time I felt a little relief. I just hugged her and cried because I finally got to hold my baby. It was the most amazing moment. I just sat there and relaxed, loved that I got to finally hold my 2 day old baby. I think every mother longs for the moment when they get to hold their baby. I wanted to hold her so badly and couldn't for those first two days. I think that's why it was the most amazing feeling ever. It was so hard to leave her and have her be taken away from me. Even though I knew it was what she needed I just wanted to be with her. Later that night I was pumping and just wanted to be nursing my baby more than anything. I cried for an hour straight and just missed her and wished I could be next to her and nursing her.
Friday November 12th:
Today was a little bit of a lazy day. I had to start my recovery as well and I was working on getting my blood pressure down. So I went to see my baby twice today inbetween naps and recovering. Then Nate came in after work and we went upstairs for his first time to hold the baby. I was so exxcited for Nate to finally get to hold her. It was the most precious thing to watch him hold her and see how she just snuggled into him. I was just beaming the entire time. She was so small and Nate felt like a Giant compared to her. Nate is such a good Dad, he is seriously amazing and has been so good with Ele and I through all of this. I am so grateful he is mine and that I get to go through this with him. I don't know if I could do this without him.
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